In my last post, I discussed the concept of our inner critic, the negativity it can bring to our lives and some tips about how you can spot it when it appears in your mind.  In today's post, I want to share some ideas around what you can do to defend against your inner critic after you identify them. 

First of all, congratulations on being able to identify your inner critic.  This first step is actually half the battle.  Once you recognize the voice of the inner critic, you become more aware of its existence and its messages.  One simple next step you can take is to actually write down what your inner critic says. The process of simply writing down the attacks from our inner critic can help you create the space between you and the inner critic. For me personally, I began to find some of these attacks ridiculous once I wrote them down.  

After writing down the attacks from your inner critic, try a few ways that you would respond to the inner critic if it is an external person speaking to you.  What we found in our coaching class is that you cannot argue logically with your inner critic.  Don't try to engage your inner critic in a dialog, argue with it or even negotiate with it.  As I wrote in my previous post, we listen to our inner critic because there is often a grain of truth in its criticism.  But to take the grain of truth without feeling small, incapable, guilty or ashamed, we have to defeat the punitive inner critic first.  Engaging in dialog or argument only empowers it.  

Instead of engaging with the inner critic, try a few responses that exert a strong energy such as saying "NO" or "SHUT UP" loudly.  One can also use humor if it feels right.  The idea here is to use a response with an energy level stronger than the inner critic to reject or deflate its message.  You will know when you defeat your inner critic when you no longer have an emotional reaction to that specific attack.  

The last thing that you want to do after defeating your inner critic is to reflect on "what is the truth" in the inner critic's original attack.  Inquire compassionately and curiously, without judgement of yourself.  

One more suggestion here is that you can make note of your physical and emotional reactions throughout these experiments.  Notice how effective defenses feel like in your body.  This can also help you re-create these defenses in future times.  

It might feel awkward and vulnerable when you first start working on the inner critic.  It might be helpful to work with a trusted friend or a coach (have someone pretending to be your inner critic can help you come up with effective defenses).  Regardless how you choose to work on this, just remember that if you bring consistent and conscious effort to combating your inner critic, it will become weaker and thus allow you more positive energy, freedom and creativity to achieve what you set out to achieve in life.  

Lastly, here is a wildly popular TED video from Brené Brown. Although the main topic of the talk was on vulnerability (which deserves another blog post), another message stood out loud and clear to me: 

"There was only one variable that separated the people who have a strong sense of love and belonging and the people who really struggle for it. And that was, the people who have a strong sense of love and belonging believe they're worthy of love and belonging. That's it. They believe they're worthy."  

"And so these (whole-hearted) folks had, very simply, the courage to be imperfect." 

I recently attended a workshop called "Thwarting the Inner Critic: Generating Creativity and Resilience Under Pressure" at the New Venture West coaching school in San Francisco.  In my coaching practice and in my previous life as a management consultant in a high-intensity work environment, I often observe self-doubt and self-limiting beliefs, particularly in highly-driven, type-A personalities.  Many of us believe that this inner critic of ours keeps us staying hungry, working harder and achieving more in life.  However, along the way to achieving more, our inner critic also makes us constantly unhappy and unsatisfied with what we have and sometimes, who we are.  I wondered how we could continue to grow and develop with joy instead of having our inner critic constantly breathing down on our necks, making us feeling ashamed or guilty. 

It turned out that inner critic exists in every human being and it is deeply rooted in our developmental process as a child.  How harsh your inner critic is often depends on the environment you grew up in and the type of relationships you had with your parents.  While therapy might be needed to combat severe self-criticism, many of us can consciously work on silencing our inner critic to become more confident and joyful in life.  

This post is a part of a series to document the Hive Global Leaders Program that I went through in San Francisco, March 2014.   The other posts in this series are posted below
Introduction
Day 0 (Welcome Reception)
Day 1 (Your World)
Day 2 (Your life) 
Day 3 (Your Org)
Conclusion 

To conclude this series of posts, I wanted to write a few words to summarize my overall impression of the Hive Global Leaders Program.  As you can tell from my previous posts, I had a great time at Hive and took away some very useful information.  Unlike some participants, I did not learn too much more about myself through the "Design Your Life" exercise during Day 2, but the process did help me re-affirm my vision and my plans that I came to Hive with.  The biggest benefit for me was gaining a community of leaders who care about living a meaningful life and creating an impact in the world.  Hive and its community gave me such an energy boost that I could still feel my renewed positive, can-do attitude a month after the program ended.  We currently have an active Facebook group, a number of local reunion events and continuing collaborations on projects and initiatives between Hivers.  I am confident that this community will stay connected and support each other for a very long time.

A few words about the logistics and the people behind the program.  I mentioned that I had reservations before experiencing the program in my introduction post.  It turned out that Ryan and his team were incredibly humble individuals that worked tirelessly to make this a great experience for the participants.  As a management consultant with a critical eye for operational improvement, I was deeply impressed by how seamlessly Hive was run and how few mishaps happened.  

I believe that in some small ways, Hive did change my life.  I highly recommend this program to anyone who is willing to take a step forwards towards leading a life with purpose and making one's positive impact, big or small, in this world.  

This post is a part of a series to document the Hive Global Leaders Program that I went through in San Francisco, March 2014.   The other posts in this series are posted below
Introduction
Day 0 (Welcome Reception)
Day 1 (Your World)
Day 2 (Your life) 
Day 3 (Your Org)
Conclusion

Day 3 – Your Organization

After two days of thinking about the world's problems and our own life purposes, we came together at the basement of Galvanize, a co-working space in SOMA, for the last day's program which focused on developing an organization to enable your vision.  I recently noticed that Hive changed this day's program title from "your organization" to "your work", perhaps as a way to better relate to the actual Hive audience, many of whom work in organizations and does not plan to start companies at least in the near future.  Below is a recount of the last day's program.  


Building an awesome company culture (Dave Kashen, MeetingHero, Quantum Leading)

The first talk of the day was presented by Dave Kashen, whose own story resonated with me deeply.  Dave came from a finance background and dabbled in start-ups after business school.  Through his own pain running a start-up with cultural issues, he discovered his passion for coaching and cultural consulting.  He shared with us his insights and practices on how to create a great and relevant company culture.  You can find Dave's full presentation here.  There is also a video of his talk at the first Hive Global Leaders Program in January at Hive website here. 

I thought Dave's presentation was insightful and thought-provoking.  Though I also knew that building a great culture or changing an existing culture can be extremely hard.  What was presented by Dave can only serve as a starting point for experimentation when we actually delve into real work at our own companies.  Here are some of my key takeaways from Dave's talk. 

• Three key questions to ask yourself: What's been driving you? What would you do if you know you couldn't fail? What problem is worthy of your life? 
• Value-driven start-up starts with clearly-defined core values that are aligned with an inspiring vision which drives people's behaviors.  
• Building an awesome culture starts with the "why". See Simon Sinek's TEDx talk on "How great leaders inspire action" below to get more inspirations. 

• Language vs. action:  Organization is a network of conversations.  However, alignment lives in the domain of action, not in the language.  Therefore, core values need to be both clearly articulated (in common language) and clearly demonstrated through observable behavior and org practices (in action). 

Life story of Peter Shannon (Peter Shannon, Firelake Capital) 

Peter came from Firelake capital, a venture capital firm that focuses on disruptive technology innovations that aim to solve world's most pressing problems.  I originally thought his talk would be on how to raise VC funds for social entrepreneurs.  It turned out that the talk was mainly about Peter's life stories.  Peter talked about how he followed his instincts and made some well-thought-out decisions that allowed him to combine his skill-sets and interests to pursue a career that he felt passionate about.   I appreciated his sincerity and humility which is sometimes hard to find in the ego-centric VC world.  

One benefit corporation and leaps of faith (Rose Broome, Handup)

Dressed in a beautiful floral sundress, Rose stood on stage and spoke to us earnestly and enthusiastically about her journey to start Handup, a social enterprise that provides a platform for donors to donate directly to homeless individuals in their neighborhoods.  She spoke about her struggles searching her own path and taking the leap of faith to do something that was risky, uncertain and yet exhilarating.  She briefly touched upon the topic on incorporation choices and introduced us to the concept of a legal benefit corporation.  What stuck with me most though was her candidness in admitting the difficulties she faced when she took the leap of faith and her passion for doing something good for the community through her start-up.  

Hive participant story-telling time

This was a unique session during which participants signed up to tell a 2-minute story to the entire group, with no restriction on the content or the format.  It ended up being an exciting, inspiring and refreshing experience.  Many of our new friends shared skills and knowledge they accumulated over the years.  Some shared significant moments in their lives that shaped who they are today.  One talented young man even conducted an impromptus acapella with 15 volunteers on stage (see picture below).  It was a humbling experience to see what people were willing to share, to experiment and to be vulnerable on stage.  I wished I had not hesitated at the last moment and ended up not taking my chance to share.   

The story of a fellow Hiver - Emmanuel Ofosu Yeboah

Below was a video that we watched at Hive to learn about the story about one of our own, Emmanuel Ofosu Yeboah.  Some Hivers learned about Emmanuel's story over dinner conversation the night before and asked him to share the story with the whole group.  Now I cannot wait to share his story with you.  

Before hearing Emmanuel talk and seeing this video, many of us had no idea he had suffered and achieved so much in his life.  At the end of the video, we stood up and clapped fiercely for the hero sitting among us.  On one hand, compared to Emmanuel's struggle and triumph, my problems in life suddenly seem so minute and trivial.  On the other hand, I had to remind myself that every human being lives a different yet unique life with its own valid challenges, big or small.  We cannot become others.  We can only take inspirations and courage from others and try to live our own lives fuller and more impactful.  For that, I thank Emmanuel.  

You can learn more about Emmanuel's current effort from Emmanuel's Dream.org. 

"Needs & Gifts" Wall 

On the first day of Hive, we were instructed to fill out a "Needs & Gifts" worksheet during which we wrote down three things we needed help with and three gifts that we could offer to the Hive community.  The worksheets were then put on the wall during the next three days for everybody to review.  If you felt that you could help with any need or if you found any gift helpful to you, you could paste a small post-it note with your name on it to that person's sheet.  Here is what the wall looked like at the end of the third day.  

For me personally, I received lots of interests in my trial coaching offerings which was absolutely helpful for me to launch my own practice.  It also felt great that you could help someone with what you are good at.  I am still in the process of following up with everybody who showed interests in my needs and gifts, but I can say with certainty that I am already benefiting from this simple exercise.  

The three-day Hive Global Leaders Program officially ended with everybody sitting in a large circle and taking turns stepping into the center to share our "finalized" life purpose (in reality, this will always be a work in progress).  Each of us received our Hive t-shirt and our framed life plan, which I proudly display at my desk at home these days.  The idea was that that if we make our life plan visible to ourselves and others on a daily basis, we would be more likely to achieve these goals.  We shall see how it goes with me! 

Read about my experiences during the other days at Hive
Introduction
Day 0 (Welcome Reception)
Day 1 (Your World)
Day 2 (Your life) 
Day 3 (Your Org)
Conclusion

This post is a part of a series to document the Hive Global Leaders Program that I went through in San Francisco, March 2014.   The other posts in this series are posted below
Introduction
Day 0 (Welcome Reception)
Day 1 (Your World)
Day 2 (Your life) 
Day 3 (Your Org)
Conclusion

Day 2 (Your Life)
After a refreshing morning yoga session, the Hive participants reconvened for the second day's program.  The focus of the second day's program was our unique lives, dreams and purposes.  We were provided with a workbook called "Designing Your Life" and were guided by Ryan to work through the self-reflection exercises individually.  Here are a number of questions that the workbook asked us to reflect on

• What do you really love doing? 
• What does humanity need? 
• How can I create what humanity needs while doing what I love? 
• What are my personal financial goals? 
• How can I create what humanity needs while meeting my financial goals? 
• Describe the world you want to see in 2050.
• I will be a force of energy in the world dedicated to…
• Simply stated, my life purpose is… (15 words or less, can be understood by a 5th grader)
• How might I make this happen
• My desired way of being will be...
• How will others remember what I'm up to? 

After drafting the initial versions of our life purposes, we got on the big bus to a mysterious location (turned out to be Bernal Heights Park) to complete the last portion of our workbook (again, in solitude).  As I sat on the slanted hill overlooking rolls of beautiful Victorian houses sprawling throughout the city, I entered a quiet and peaceful space within myself and contemplated all my hopes and dreams and what kind of steps I would need to take to get there.  After drafting out our life time, 10-year, 1-year and 90-day goals and action plans, we came back together as a group and enjoyed a beautiful lunch underneath the sun while chatting optimistically about our plans and futures with each other.  

Real Food (Rebecca Jean Alonzi, Rebecca Jean Catering) 

The afternoon session started with a presentation from Rebecca Jean Alonzi, a former Hive participant, about real food (usually defined as natural, organic and/or locally grown food that is good for your health).  I unfortunately missed majority of the presentation because I was scheduled for a free chair massage the Hive program provided, which was wonderful of course.  Nonetheless, I caught the beginning of Rebecca's talk and heard her inspirational story of evolving from a line cook to starting her own very successful catering business (her business is 5-star on yelp, which is quite telling).  There it was another tenacious individual who is so passionate about what she does that she never gave up on working hard to achieving her dreams.  I was yet inspired again. 

Mindfulness & Presence for Global Change Makers (Rich Fernandez, Wisdom Labs) 

The last talk of the day was delivered by Rich Fernandez, a trained psychologist, on mindfulness and presence.  Rich shared some neuroscience-backed theory behind mindfulness and how our brains work under stress.  More importantly, he guided us through a couple of mindfulness exercises which definitely brought a sense of peacefulness and self-awareness to the room.  Below are a couple of takeaways that I jotted down from this session.  

• Mindfulness practice improves response flexibility: simple mindfulness practices such as focused breathing creates space between stimulus and response, and thus, provides us the opportunity to choose our response.  

I particularly enjoyed this talk because of my interests in meditation, mindfulness and human psychology.  It was also encouraging to see other participants, many of whom did not know much about medication, try mindfulness practices with openness and curiosity.  

The day ended with us taking the bus over the bay bridge to treasure island for an impromptus dance party under the "dancing lady" sculpture, a sunset sing-a-long and a delicious dinner at a trendy winery venue.  We conversed into late night over deliciously prepared 3-course dinner and constant flow of wine.  Personally, I met more individuals that I hadn't got a chance to talk to during the past two days and had some heart-to-heart coaching conversations.  Positive energy and bright-eyed optimism fueled the entire evening.  It felt good to be a part of it.  

Read about my experiences during the other days at Hive
Introduction
Day 0 (Welcome Reception)
Day 1 (Your World)
Day 2 (Your life) 
Day 3 (Your Org)
Conclusion